How To Be Bulletproof Against Rejection

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Everyone at some point or another in their life experiences rejection, whether that’s in a relationship, work related, family related, or any situation where you put yourself out there and get a no. And yes, when we get rejected it sucks, we feel hurt, it’s hard to go through it, and it’s important to grieve that. However, if you could view rejection in a different way, it would be much easier to put yourself out there in many different situations without worry about being rejected. It doesn’t mean you won’t be rejected, it just means your feelings towards that will no longer affect you and this is where being bullet-proof comes in.

Growing up in my family we had a saying passed down from our parents, and that was, 'if it’s for you it’s for you, and no one can take it. If it’s not for you, thank God and move on.' What I love about this saying is that it implies that anything that you do will work out the way it supposed to, when it supposed to and how it supposed to, for your highest good. It doesn’t mean you that you will always like the outcome, and it requires a sense of trust and faith, that this outcome is what is needed right now. What if you tried on this way of thinking? How would it affect the way you then approached anything that you could potentially be rejected from?

I walked into audition rooms with a sense of peace knowing that if the gig was for me, I’d get it. Interestingly, it was often why I think I got the part. I think it’s because there was a sense of personal power and peace that came across. That being said, it was also because I did the work, I did the prep, let’s not pretend that I just showed up and luckily got a part. I put the work in, honoured the struggle, but also I wasn’t so attached to the outcome that if it didn’t happen, it would negatively impact my life by deciding to stop pursuing my dream.

The other piece of being bullet-proof is recognising that not everything is about you. If someone rejects you for a job, a part in a play, a relationship, it’s not all about you unless you make it so. It does not reflect your worth unless you let it. Often what happens is, when we’re rejected, we sometimes close ourselves off or try not to put ourselves in situations again where a NO is a possibility and as such we live in fear of this rejection. Let me ask you, are you willing to give that power to someone else? Are you willing to say no to the possibility of greatness because someone in the past told you NO? Which is worse, the possibility of another rejection, or living your life in fear and later having regrets for not putting yourself out there. Seriously answer that. Which is worse?

I can tell you that I wouldn’t be here talking to you right now if I let the 'NO's in my life stop me. I got plenty, but what it did for me was give me an opportunity to be constructive and focus on what I could learn from the experience and this is what I would encourage you to do. It gave me fuel to do better and learn more so that eventually some of those 'NO's became yeses.

But let’s get something straight, you are worthy, let no one tell you otherwise.

You’ve got to do the work, show up with greatness and do your best in all situations.

Then you can walk away feeling like you gave it your best shot. That NO is not a personal reflection of you, your character your person. It just means that you are not right for the part, the job, the relationship for the other person.  A no from someone else in any context is based on them, not you. Let me put it in simple terms. When you go to a restaurant and choose a few options of what to eat, do you think a lot about what you didn’t choose? Or just focussed on what you felt like eating in the moment? Is it unfair to the items that were not chosen?  Do you think the chef in the kitchen whipping up the meals feels rejected when some items on the menu aren’t chosen? No, he doesn’t!  because he’s there to offer a variety of options so people have a choice. And if he does feel rejected, I would encourage him to learn from the feedback he’s getting and do something different. Not say I’m a bad chef. I hope you get the point here! It’s not about you, you don’t have to take it personally every time things don’t turn out the way you want them to.

Here’s what I want you to leave you with…you have a unique moment right now where you can decide to play small, avoid your perceived ideas about being rejected from the next thing you try, job you want or person you desire. OR you can step boldly into each situation knowing that ‘if it’s for you, it’s for you, and no one can take it, if it’s not for you, thank God and move on.